This post was I post I envisioned writing very differently.

My absence has been noticed by some of you dear readers over the past month and I have gotten several emails wondering where I was. I was hoping to share happy news with you all today and let you know that I was pregnant and the hubs and I were expecting our first baby and tell you the reason for my absence was the round the clock morning sickness I was experiencing, which made writing a blog that focuses heavily on food basically impossible.

This all was true. I was pregnant and we were over the moon happy and I was just as over the moon sick with morning sickness hence my absence.

Unfortunately, this news is not happy. We found out on Christmas Eve that the baby has died and heaven has a new little angel. The baby just stopped growing and doesn’t have a heartbeat even though I still have all my pregnancy symptoms and have had NO symptoms of miscarrying. Even right now, I still feel bittersweetly pregnant. I had no idea this even exists- it’s called a missed miscarriage and affects 1 percent of women who miscarry.

I thought about not sharing this sad news with you all, but I have found that no one talks about this and those that have come forward to share their stories with me during this time have been helpful. So this is mine and though I hate to think of others going through this as well, I know it is affecting some of you or will in the future.

Though this Christmas was extremely painful, I still hold this holiday near and dear to my heart. I will always hold onto my love of this special time of year despite what happened to us this past year. If anything, Christmas futures will just hold a new layer of meaning and remembrance as I know we will always think of the angel we lost this Christmas eve.

To the friends and family that have been letting us lean on them, thank you from the bottom of our hearts. I feel blessed that this angel was going to be so loved and supported by you all and look forward to the day when we have our rainbow baby to receive all this love.

Luke 15:10 – Likewise, I say unto you, there is joy in the presence of the angels of God